No crafts today, my heart just melts away
The children stand for joy, a symbol of the day
No crafts today, it seems a common sight
But people passing by don't know the reason why
Unlike what I think some families do, we don't take family pictures to use as Xmas cards.
It's not that we are not family. In a modern sense, we are.
It's not like we don't look good in pictures-
in a LOLcat way we do.
It's not even like we don't do Xmas- darn right we do.
There were crafts I could show you, but beautiful people like Saraccino rounded
them up a helluva lot better and more original than I could. Hop over and give the girl
some love- in a very tentacled way, she is incredibly talented, humorous and incredibly
big- hearted. One of my favourite blogs ever. This wonderful lady happens to be
a fellow German, but I can't say I was ever lucky enough to encounter somebody as,
and I mean it in the BEST way possible, odd as her in Germany EVER. If I had,
maybe I wouldn't have felt the need to leg it!
Right, I was talking about Xmas cards.
I might not have told you, but the minions are staying with us for a full week.
For those of you who have their own minions, this might not quite be the biggest deal
ever, but for somebody like me who has successfully avoided reproduction, it darn well is.
A full week trying not to swear, getting up early (well... The Man does. I just switch to Deaf Old Witch Mode
and steal another hour!) and hiding your alcohol intake that seems to be getting
out of hand around the holiday period. Hic. (please don't take this one literally,
we DO drink responsibly and share with them! LOL)
We got them early Monday morning, and, boy, days seem to drag when the weather is
so frigging bleak that you can't take them to the playground and the bank holidays
don't really allow you to go into town and drag them through random museums to make
everybody elses life misery.
What we have learned so far is that a Transformer toy is not only impossible to
transform, it also breaks easily in Daddys hands. It was called Bumblebee, now it is
called "The Plastic Thing That Drowned In The Bath Never To Be Mentioned Again".
We have also learned that it is quite cool to take a very grown- up 8 year old girl
and a "third child syndrome" 4 year old munchkin boy round the shops to buy really
big heaps of chinese plastic for about 45% of the price that was charged like...
a minute ago. Did you know that cr@p provides about ten minutes of fun, while
watching Daddy trying to get all the packaging off entertains for a full afternoon?
We have tried to make Xmas last for as long as possible. Yesterday, we did aforementioned
trip, while today, we just spread out silly little gifts like pound shop
cutlery with engraved dinosaur footprints (for him, the princess got love hearts)
to dig into their astronaut feasts (chicken with broccoli and cheese sauce, but
in really fancy dishes, they nearly busted their bellies!) and stupid Xmas
crackers with paper crowns and stickers in them.
Tomorrow morning, a 99p stuffed toy is awaiting the wee man Aaron(he has a thing with monsters.
One minute he's scared, the next he luuuurves them), looking like a pink zombie.
The princess will be presented with an equally expensive necklace with a love
heart pendant. They went to bed tonight knowing there'd be something to wake up to.
If I had to price absolutely everything up, including the big heap of
chinese- made scrap plastic they both got as their main presents, I'd say we spent
about £20 on each kiddo so far. Keep in mind that is 2 days of being showered with
surprises like a toy car for being a good boy and a little lockable diary for
helping carrying the shopping without even being asked for the princess. (a hands-
on princess like Shreks Fiona, never mind Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella! My Abigail will
knock the Prince straight off his horse and nick his ride until further notice,
So, now that you know how absolutly adorable we all are, I don't mind showing you the TRUTH.
The ugly, absolute, undeniable truth.
Let me please show you what would have been our Xmas cards if we did them. And understand
why we don't do them. Ever.